Loosing Heart

I currently have a ten-page paper on Frankenstein and its research to do, but let's face it....I am temporarily giving up on making progress. I have been fighting being motivated for anything English-related for the entire semester. I used to love my English classes and then quickly learned to love education classes once I got into college. This semester though, it's like I have to fight to even put half of myself into a paper or class in these subjects....which I feel is not good since it is what I want am going to do for the rest of my life. 

I was talking to a good friend today about this loss of heart. I have always wanted to do something with teenagers, okay other than the first half of my life when I wanted to be a veterinarian (let's face it, my math skills put me behind in med. school). I wanted to be a teacher, a drug/eating disorder/abuse rehab counselor, someone who works at a ranch for troubled teens, a youth pastor, a speaker at Christian teen events and decided on an English teacher. 

I love working with teenagers, I feel like they are at such a critical time in life, which most people walk away from. They are coming to deal with pains that happened as a child, taking on their first serious relationships, being tempted to experiment with drugs and alcohol and really just beginning to figure out who they are. I have always found myself privileged to work with teens and minister to them during this time in their lives. I've always found it so rewarding. 

Last summer and this semester, I seem to be losing that. It seems like every week, I hear about another youth kid who is pregnant or about one of my kids' friends who is pregnant. Suicide is at an all-time high and doesn't seem to be going down any time soon. Drugs and alcohol are consumed just as much as fruits and vegetables. Physically and sexually abusive relationships seem to be more common than loving ones. Oh and, Christianity among the teenage popular seems to be at a low...and still deteriorating. 
I just don't understand, when I was in middle and high school, I clung to my faith to get me through everything...now it seems like faith is the thing to let go of first. Teens aren't dedicated to going to youth group and church, the attendance rates are dropping. If these kids don't learn this stuff now, when they need it most, how are they going to make it? Statistics say that it is rare for someone who doesn't have faith as a teen to pick up faith later on in life....and that "dropping" faith as they graduate high school is popular. My heart breaks with these statistics. My heart is growing harder with those statistics. Can I really make a difference in the lives of teens anymore? Is it possible for this generation to turn itself around? I honestly don't know anymore...I used to be so confident. The thought has crossed my mind to give up completely on this generation and change my major to one that has more promise, something that sounds really good on days when I have 10 page papers to write.

BUT....I was in my Middle School classroom the other day and the teacher passed out a simple worksheet. All the kids had to do is list five different people or groups of people that cared about their success...that invested time in them. Now some of these kids could have been being dramatic...but there were literally less than five kids out of 25 that could list FIVE people that cared about them! How sad is that!? Some of these kids wrote down my name...someone that was in their classroom for 2-3 hours a week for less than a semester...but I was the closest person they knew that cared about them. Sure, I knew the kids' names but that was about it...I don't know anything else about them.

So as I sit here with a loss of heart, I can't help but ponder that if the reason this generation seems to be degenerating is because of people like me...people who are losing heart...people who are giving up on them being any better than they are now. Maybe all these kids need is someone to invest in them, someone to believe in them, someone to simply care enough to learn their names. I can't necessarily say with as much confidence as I used to that I will end up being an English teacher for the rest of my life, though it is of high possibility, but I can say, I'm not giving up. The very reason I felt a call to go into high school education was because most of the students just need someone to care and I wanted to be that person. I am not giving up. I will fight losing heart. I will continue to invest and believe. 

{For Brandon, Tasia, Taylor, Taven, Chase, Hunter, Zach, Jasper, and all of the rest of my 8th grade students....I will continue to believe in you. You can achieve things beyond what you could ever imagine...I pray that each of you defy the odds that are stacked against you.}

{For all of my youth kids, I pray that you know that God will never walk away. God will always be waiting for you and I am always just a phone call away because I, too, am waiting for you to journey back. I love you with all of my heart.}

Break my Heart to what Breaks YOURS.

Well, giving credit where credit is due, this blog is partially inspired by a note that I just read that Miss. Stephanie Morin wrote...with my own twist of course. 

So this summer I have been waking up at 4:48 each morning to drag myself to the shower and then to work at the Kroger Fuel Center, yes...a gas station. Needless to say, I wasn't all that excited to sit in a little about 36 square foot box and talk to people thru a window, while trying to bite my tongue as countless complainers rant about the gas prices (mind you, I have to pay the same price they do). All of that being said, this job has brought me so much closer to God: I've spent my days reading, praying and journaling; spent breaks with my nose in His Word and have truly learned what it's like to have Him break my heart to everything that breaks His...okay maybe not everything, but a good majority.

My prayer the past two years has been for God to truly break my heart to what breaks His. Word of warning: if you pray for the God of the Universe to break your heart, be prepared. Though patience is one of my downfalls and I tend to only have compassion when I want to/think people deserve it, this job has led me to the place where Jesus dawned the crown of thorns for someone who didn't deserve it.  

Story Number One: An elderly lady come to the kiosk and asked for help getting the pump started. [I tend to get really frustrated with people who ask me to do this, because the pump says exactly what to do...you just have to read] Well, I stepped outside, glasses fogging because of the humidity and walked to, of course, the last pump. I began reading the pump out loud to her, and clicking the corresponding buttons. She then began to speak and I looked up, tears forming in her eyes...she went on to say that she never bothered to learn how to work these new pumps because her husband always made her stay in the car while he pumped the gas, but he had recently died. Here I was, frustrated because of the heat and the growing line of customers at the kiosk and this woman was in a state of mourning....beginning the long list of first she would do without her soulmate at her side. She broke my heart. God moved me to a place of compassion for those people who don't seem to read the instructions.


Story Number Two: Today I was sitting in the kiosk, enjoying the air conditioning and a momentary stall in traffic when one of the usuals walked up...seemingly distraught. She instructed me on what she wanted, neglecting to tell me which pump she was on. When I asked her, she snipped back her answer and then regretted her tone. She, unlike the majority of customers, apologized saying that he was having a horrible day. She was on her way home and her husband had just been sentenced to 20 years in prison...she has no job and doesn't know what is going to come next. I was left speechless, I had no idea what to say...my usual "HAVE A NICE DAY MA'AM" didn't seem fitting...but nothing else did either. She broke my heart. God moved me to a place where words meant nothing, instead a gentle smile and a short, unheard prayer was all that was needed. 


This dreaded job has grown to be an grand blessing I know must have been nothing less than God orchestrated. It is growing more apparent that it is more important to "be Christ" than to "talk about Christ": the smile, and manners seems to mean more than the fact that a book about Christ sits on the counter next to me. I am constantly reminded that everyone has a story, a reason for their moods, manners whatever. Maybe they grew up in a home with an addicted single mother who never bothered to teach manners. Maybe their bank account is withering away and if they are in a hurry to get to work-the only source of money. Maybe they've been separated from a loved one, thru death or bars. Maybe someone is sick, on their final breaths and they just need to get enough gas to make it before they're gone. 


Whatever the person's story, it's not my place to grow testing and impatient. It's not my place to get annoyed with their seeming incompetence. Christ calls us to more...to show gentleness, love, patience, self-control and respect. I will continue to pray that God breaks my heart to what breaks His, allowing Him to fill the cracks with compassion, patience and the rest of the righteous fruits.


-D

Fair Withdrawl

The White County Fair is here...my favorite time of summer...I have looked forward to this one week of summer for pretty much all of my life. At first it was the animals, then it was exploring the projects, then actually making the projects....walking animals, endless card games, naps in pens, watching the queen get crowned...the list goes on. The fair was something that I did really well...not to brag...I took home good ribbons most years and even got a few trophies and my name on the leader boards year after year. 

The younger members looked up to me, I spent hours during each fair helping younger members finger out their projects. People around the fair knew who I was...I basked in the glory of leading people through the barns showing off my animals and ribbons....filling them in on random facts about each species that none of them probably wanted to know.

My ten years were up two years ago, but last year I did the queen contest which was enough for my fair time. So this year is my first fair week without anything to do: no animals to walk, no ribbons to show-off, no breed facts to memorize, no milkshakes to make...nothing. The week is mine to do whatever I want...yet all I want to do is do what I always did best...be a 4-Her. I spent today begging others to let me help them...to have something to do, but it still isn't the same.

I guess something inside me thought that the dozens of ribbons, few trophies, and names on the champion boards would earn me some sort of spot in the fair hall of fame...to be remembered....false. All of this leads me back to Solomon in the book of Ecclesiastes. He comes to the conclusion that everything under the sun is meaningless. Money is really worth nothing, knowledge doesn't earn anything of value, success doesn't last forever...everything under the sun...meaningless. 

When I first read this I was shocked...could it really be that everything was MEANINGLESS?! That is a pretty harsh word. It's true...those ribbons and honors won me fame while it lasted, but that perished. Being a 4-Her added to my identity...but who does that make me now? Being on the champion boards gave me affirmation...but that name will soon peel off the boards like the rest. Everything was meaningless....especially when you try to think of a circumstance in which knowing all the body parts of a chicken will come of use.

Now I'm not saying I regret my ten years...I just want to give members a heads up to not let the ribbons become your identity....your identity can only be found in one thing...the cross. Everything under the sun really is meaningless in the long run.... 

Pay it Forward

June 23, 2011

Lord, thank you for each one of your children gathered in front of me. I pray that their hearts are receptive to you and your message, not just right now, but on a twenty-four/seven basis. Lord, I pray that the words that I am about to speak are yours…that you receive any praise that this message may bring. Lord, shut me up right now, I pray that you take over from amen on. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

This sermon really goes back to the routes of my sermons…my freshmen or sophomore year of high school, I stood before the church and gave a sermon on being called to the broken…on how there are so many people dying in a state of spiritual hunger each day and showed a clip from Pay it Forward. I bawled for about a half hour before I was supposed to walk up the pulpit and speak and was so shaky the entire time.  Well, today, the message is very similar…a Pay it Forward clip is included and my nerves will probably get the best of me a few times throughout this sermon. I say all of this to show how important I feel this message is to the Church and to the churches, so pay attention J

Pay it Forward clip of Scene 2

We are on that hellish, shaky bridge that everyone must cross, before we become members of that undyingly enviably elite. Now, some of you may think that you can’t get across this bridge fast enough, that you’d rather hold your breath, close your eyes and not think about anything until it’s all over. I’m here to tell you, that’s not an option. This class is LIFE, which is you and the world. Yes, there is a world out there and even if you don’t want to think about it, it is still going to hit you in the face. What does the world mean to you? Come on’ a little class participation. Well, let me ask you another question…how often do you think of things that happen outside this town? Do you watch the news? All right…so there are some global thinkers, but why not more….we are not 11 year olds. What does the world expect of us? We have to pay taxes and show up to our jobs, send kids to school…but what more. What if when God asks what we’ve done for HIS kingdom and you haven’t prepared? We are at a loss….unless we take the things that we don’t like about the world, what breaks God’s heart,  and flip them upside down.

We are in a place that is comparative to a middle school…somewhere that we have to be…it is the law of nature…we have to live.  As Christians, we know that there is somewhere else…somewhere better that we all want to be, but we just can’t be yet. We have to live in this world…this world that essentially expects nothing of us….but the world is only one aspect. Where does God and church factor in?

The church and world and their correlation have been the topic of many recent conversations. My pastor at school did a sermon on the church not that long ago and it really got me thinking. He started by saying that there are one hundred and ten churches in Huntington County…Huntington county is only about ten thousand more people than White County…and I would estimate that we have about the same ratio of churches to people in White County.  Even going to a Christian college, there are so many students who refuse to go to one of those one hundred and ten churches because so many people feel that the church has been distorted. So here’s another audience participation question…what does “CHURCH” mean? Does it mean the building with the steeple and stained glass windows, the people gathered together right now in this building, all of the people worshiping in different buildings this morning, all of God’s family? What is the church? What does the Church expect of us?

The church has grown to expect so much out of their members. We are expected to tithe…preferably over ten percent. We are expected to bring people to church with us every Sunday to grow our numbers. We are expected to not only show up every Sunday, but at least two other times each week for church activities. We are expected to follow the laws and make it so that our families are portrayed as the perfect little church-going families so that our church (little c) looks like the best church it can be.

The church has grown into some skewed motives. Churches, little c, are often concerned more about the building that they have residency in. They are concerned with which political figures and good-looking people attend their church because they want to look like the best. Is there a need for one hundred and ten churches in Huntington County?! No, but the church has chosen to become a group of competitors competing for God’s love, favor and grace instead of a body..a family of believers lifting eachother up… and saving the world.  Each church seems more to be trying to top the church down the street than following God’s call to save the world. Churches even seem to be more encouraged not to get the broken and un-churched to church, but to get the members of that church down the street to their church…proving that they are the better church.  

I think it is about time to get back to the routes of what God expects…isn’t that the question we should all be asking anyway?

Today, most of our time will be spent in Galatians 6, I will be reading from the Message translation just because I really like how it breaks it down.

Galatians 6:1-3, “Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the days out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ’s law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived.”

No Christian should ever think that they can live independently, not ever needed help from others; on the flip-side, no Christian should ever think that they are excused from helping others, from loving others where they are. This passage doesn’t just tell us to love our neighbors; it commands us to share in their burdens. What does sharing in anothers burdens actually entail?

Well, how many times have someone revealed his or her struggles to you and you’ve given the Christianese answer of “I’ll pray for you”? Now, how many times have you actually left them and steadfastly prayed for that person’s struggles? The Church, big C, has become really good with words, but we’re lacking in our actions of follow-up. So, not only tell the person that you will pray for them and actually earnestly pray for them. Invest some time in that person. Call them, text them, check up on them once in awhile. If they are struggling financially, show some of Jesus’ love and be willing to sacrifice.  A story that I heard always sticks out when I think about this concept. A man had been talking to a single-mom family that had been struggling financially; she had just gotten a job, but had to figure out how to get there because they didn’t have a ca. Instead of just praying that God provide for the family, which he did, he prayed that if there was something he could do for them, that God would let him know what. Well God answered with give them that extra car that you have…so he did. He not only used words to share in their burdens, but he wasn’t afraid to step up to a little action. Now not many of us have an extra car or that much extra money to just give to someone else, but how many of us donate clothes with Keith sends out things about a family who lost all their clothes in a fire. We all have plenty of extra clothes. Not always, but typically there is more that we can do for someone than prayer…though prayer is important. We also need to keep in mind that we can not be everything to everybody, we can always try to find someone else that CAN meet the needs of the burdened person.

When my pastor at school did a similar sermon, advised to “Do for one what you wish you could do for everyone.” The Church seems to be going wide, trying to shallowly reach everyone…this especially happens with churches are in competition with eachother trying to gain more attendance than the one down the road. Instead, each member of the church needs to go deep. Pray for one or two people for God to stick in your life to really minister to for an entire year. Do everything you can for those two people. Pray for them daily, be a long-term friend. Remember money doesn’t save the broken, love and time saves the broken.

Galatians 6 goes on to say in verses 9-10, “So let’s not allow ourselves to get fatigued doing good. At the right time, we will harvest a good crop if we don’t give up, or quit. Right now, therefore, every time we get a chance, let us work for the benefit of all.” It is easy to become discouraged when we are not seeing the sowing-reaping principle mentioned in this chapter immediately. We are still encouraged to continue to doing good for God’s glory and trust God for the results. Eventually, maybe not even in this worldly life, we will reap a harvest of blessings.

Throughout the rest of Galatians 6, Paul takes the pen and takes the opportunity to talk about the people who were forcing circumcision because of the outward appearance of holiness. Verse 13 of the Message puts it like this, “They only want you to be circumcised so they can boast of their success in recruiting you to their side. That is contemptible!” This is just what the churches, little c, have gotten in the habit of doing. They recruit the “good looking” people to their churches, pulling them from other churches since they will already know how to behave. The churches have decided to neglect the completely broken people because they are too much work, and it looks bad to have a church full of addicts and drunks. Churches go surface level, changing people’s actions and appearance so they look more holy…and neglect the heart. Paul says right here, THAT IS CONTEMPTIBLE! The Church, big C, is called to the broken, to the ugly, the addicted, the drunk, the poor, the people that everyone else shies away from..they people that are whispered about, the people never looked directly in the eye. You know, the people like yourselves.

Galatians 6 finishes with the central issue: “I am going to boast about nothing but the Cross of our Master, Jesus Christ. Because of that Cross, I have been crucified in relation to the world, set free from the stifling atmosphere of pleasing others and fitting into the little patterns that they dictate. Can’t you see the central issue in all of this? It is not what you and I do-submit to circumcision, reject circumcision. It is what God is doing, and he is creating something totally new, a free life! All who walk by this standard are the true Israel of God-His chosen people. Peace and mercy on them!”  

Churches, little c, have made it about them, about them getting the glory…to see who can have the best stained-glass windows, the hippest band, the biggest building, the most in attendance, the greatest offering. We have made it about us..about the expectations of the world: to be the best and richest. However, we are called to be more than what the world expects of us.

We are called to more than the world, more than this hellish bridge of middle school. We are called to more than crouching in a corner and closing our eyes until it’s all over. We are called to share in the burdens of others. We are called to BE THE CHURCH, not only take up our cross, but to help with anothers load. We are called to not make it a show, to not make it about us or the church, the building, the world.

Two songs come to mind to sum up this sermon. Matthew West has a song that is on KLOVE a lot…my own little world. It’s lyrics go like this:

In my own little world it hardly ever rains
I’ve never gone hungry, always felt safe
I got some money in my pocket, shoes on my feet
In my own little world
Population me
I try to stay awake during Sunday morning church

I throw a twenty in the plate, but I never give ’til it hurts
I turn off the news when I don’t like what I see
Yeah, it’s easy to do when it’s
Population: me

What if there’s a bigger picture?
What if I’m missing out?
What if there’s a greater purpose
I could be living right now

If our world is population me, we are missing out: There are 27,000 children under the age of five dying each day due to hunger. We are called to them. There are 1.2 billion that live on less than a dollar a day, we are called to them. We are called to the 13, 000 girls under the age of 13 that are captured into sex slavery in America. We are called to the 5 children who die each day of child abuse in Indiana. We are called to the addicts, the drunkards, the ugly of White County. We are called to make the imperfect, the ugly, the poor, the broken, the divorced; the beaten…part of our population.

I want to do something a bit different to end this sermon. There is another song by Hillsong called Hosanna to really make this our prayer. Really pay attention to the lyrics.

What would that look like, to see our generation rising up to take the place with selfless faith…to see a near revival praying and seeking? To see our entire generation living God’s expectations.What would it look like to surrender everything we are…our entire identity as a church and as individuals to His Kingdom’s cause? So let’s stand to sing this song along with Hillsong…make it your prayer… however, that may look for you, if it’s raising a hand, closing your eyes, getting on your knees. Let’s pray for God to break our hearts to what breaks His. Let’s not be like the metal detectors at the beginning of the scene of Pay it Forward, the ones that didn’t even go off when the knife was slid through them….let’s not let the broken go unnoticed.

Hosanna by Hillsong

The Pay it Forward video challenged the students to changed the world and each of the students responded cynically, that it was weird, crazy, bummer, hard…but it is indeed possible…it is God’s ultimate expectation and hope for each of us. The realm of possibility exists in Christ. He has already done His part in changing the world, through the cross…now he has passed the buck to us. It is your job to take it and not sit back and let it atrophy. Let’s close in prayer.

Lord, we want you to break out hearts for everything that breaks yours, to nudge us out of our world of population one…to surrender everything we are for Your kingdom’s cause. Guide us in everything we say and do that it may be used to change the world for Your glory. We love you Lord, Amen.

Why the Narrow?

I spent the majority of yesterday watching Harry Potter...okay I spent ALL day yesterday watching Harry Potter. I had never watched any of the series before, but found myself engrossed in them this weekend. I found myself being caught up in though several times throughout the movies. One of my favorite lines came from the fourth movie: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Voldermort is coming back into the picture and the creepy one-eyed guy (I don't remember his name) is pointing out that he returned to his master and Voldermort retorts something to the extent of, "You came back because of fear, not because of loyalty."This line got me thinking of my motives for continually returning to my Lord. 

Matthew 7:13-14 says, "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." Right there, it says that our path to God is not going to contain as many of the things that the world does...we are going to have to limit our activities. It says later on that we will endure persecution...that we have to love our enemies...that we have to pick up our cross. Who in their right mind would choose each of these things instead of enjoying the fun of life? 

What are the motives for coming to Christ when there is so much of this torture promised to us? Do we come to Christ and continue to serve him out of selfishness when indeed, we are called to pick up our crosses. A main motivator to come to salvation is so we don't have to be damned for eternity. We can serve other people so that when we reach heaven we can hear "well done good and faithful servant." What are our motivators for asking for forgiveness and forgiving others? 

So many of these motives can boil down to selfishness. I think it is important to continue to evaluate ourselves and what our motives for Christianity are. Christianity calls us to deny our human nature, to humble ourselves and live selflessly.  Christianity is about caring for our neighbor, whether we like that neighbor or not. We are called to return to our master, not out of pure fear, but out of humility...out of a desire to rise above our tainted nature and strive for the way we were originally created. 

So I ask you why? Why are you returning to your Lord? Check yourself.

Much Love and Prayer,
D

One Dress/One Month

Wow! It has been so long since I have written...my life has been so busy and filled with immense amounts of school work: aka. papers (10 page ones!) AND research. Any who, the month of April has been a trying one in multiple ways but one obvious one has been the fact that it kicked off the One Dress/One Month campaign for StreetLight Phoenix. 

Streetlight is a shelter for child sex slaves in Phoenix that opened April 4. We often hear about sex trafficking in other countries but rarely hear of the impact it is having in America. So let me toss out a few facts:


1.) There are an estimated 100,000 to 300,000 children at risk of entering the industry IN AMERICA.
2.) The average age of entrance to trafficking is 13...though girls as young as 5 have been found...IN AMERICA.
3.) These girls averagely sleep with around 1500 men each year...IN AMERICA.
4.) The biggest demand is for girls age 14-17 because they are innocent and clean and come with a sense of danger.
5.) For the many of these girls, sex trafficking is NOT an option...they are forced into it by pimps through an intense process of grooming. 
6.) These girls are subjected to brutal abuse...sexual and physical...and are often tattooed or branded as a sign of belonging to their pimp.


StreetLight is opening to help save these girls...to provide them with Christian counseling, career counseling, education, food, clothes and shelter. On a side note, the cabins are beautiful! Streetlight will rewrite what love means in these girls' lives. 


StreetLight is using the One Dress/One Month campaign as a fundraiser and a way to raise awareness to this often overlooked and unknown abuse. Many women have been wearing one dress or one outfit for the entire month of April because so many of the girls caught in trafficking are forced to wear one outfit...for the majority of their time. They don't chose this outfit...it is chosen for them...chosen so that they can attract customers.


This cause has broken my heart every since I have watched the documentary Branded (which I recommend), yet this month has drilled it into my head. Each morning I wake up and put on the same black shirt and jeans...I have had the privilege of washing it as much as I want and accessorizing as I please. However, after the 12 day...I was over it...the challenge was no longer exciting...I was tired of it. Then I remembered that I am doing this because thousands of girls my age are forced to do this very thing only they don't get to accessorize or wash their clothes as much as I. It is all chosen for them...they are owned.


As I fall asleep each night, my heart breaks for those who are just now beginning their night and will be forced to stay out until they sleep with enough guys to collect the right amount of money for their pimps. Some girls are forced into cages or inadequate living spaces after these long nights. They can no longer cry because they are numb and have cried every last tear they have. They look at their skin and see where it says that they are property of so and so. They don't have the freedom to do even the simplest of things. 


I ask you to open your eyes to the injustices that are thriving in AMERICA right now...in your own backyard. Sex Trafficking isn't just in Arizona...cases have been found in almost every state. When you go to sleep tonight think about the girls who are out on the street being beaten, branded...having foreign objects inserted in places that they don't belong. Educate yourself.


Here is Streetlight's website...check it out: http://streetlightphx.com/
And if your heart is breaking and you are being urged to dig into your pockets, feel free to donate here: https://donations.towercare.com/StreetLight

Jesus Christ Dethroned?

Today in my World Masterpieces class, we were discussing Fyodor Dostoevsky's Notes from Underground. Dostoevsky was a devout Christian, which showed through his writing. In this piece, there is a very cynical man who adamantly admits that he is the biggest jerk on the face of the planet. He meets this prostitute and tries to lift her up out of her current position saying that if she keeps on this road she is going to become a slave to other people. This same girl though is the Christ-figure. That can be taken in so many wrong ways...I have completely not meaning to draw a parallel between Christ and a prostitute. This woman, Liza, loves the Underground Man despite the fact that he is the biggest jerk on the face of the planet. She loves him through his faults. She becomes the redeeming hero of the story.

The Underground Man simply can not take the fact that she is becoming his hero. He can not take the fact that such a lowly person is leading him to redemption so he undoes everything that he had told her and gets her to sleep with him and then pays her. He dethrones his hero to his prostitute. 

How many of us are doing in this with Christ? Sometimes it is so hard for me to humble myself before my hero. I want to be self-sufficient. I want to be able to save myself. I often times place human characteristics upon him in an attempt to knock him off of my throne. I want to think that I can not trust Him or that He doesn't really love me through all of my sins. I can't comprehend Him and that frustrates me. I want to fit God into this box that actually makes sense to me. 

So this blog is a rather short one, but it is gorgeous outside and I want to go for a drive to take in my Hero's majesty. However, I ask you....Are you trying to dethrone Christ? 

Much Love and Prayer,
D