Well, giving credit where credit is due, this blog is partially inspired by a note that I just read that Miss. Stephanie Morin wrote...with my own twist of course.
So this summer I have been waking up at 4:48 each morning to drag myself to the shower and then to work at the Kroger Fuel Center, yes...a gas station. Needless to say, I wasn't all that excited to sit in a little about 36 square foot box and talk to people thru a window, while trying to bite my tongue as countless complainers rant about the gas prices (mind you, I have to pay the same price they do). All of that being said, this job has brought me so much closer to God: I've spent my days reading, praying and journaling; spent breaks with my nose in His Word and have truly learned what it's like to have Him break my heart to everything that breaks His...okay maybe not everything, but a good majority.
My prayer the past two years has been for God to truly break my heart to what breaks His. Word of warning: if you pray for the God of the Universe to break your heart, be prepared. Though patience is one of my downfalls and I tend to only have compassion when I want to/think people deserve it, this job has led me to the place where Jesus dawned the crown of thorns for someone who didn't deserve it.
Story Number One: An elderly lady come to the kiosk and asked for help getting the pump started. [I tend to get really frustrated with people who ask me to do this, because the pump says exactly what to do...you just have to read] Well, I stepped outside, glasses fogging because of the humidity and walked to, of course, the last pump. I began reading the pump out loud to her, and clicking the corresponding buttons. She then began to speak and I looked up, tears forming in her eyes...she went on to say that she never bothered to learn how to work these new pumps because her husband always made her stay in the car while he pumped the gas, but he had recently died. Here I was, frustrated because of the heat and the growing line of customers at the kiosk and this woman was in a state of mourning....beginning the long list of first she would do without her soulmate at her side. She broke my heart. God moved me to a place of compassion for those people who don't seem to read the instructions.
Story Number Two: Today I was sitting in the kiosk, enjoying the air conditioning and a momentary stall in traffic when one of the usuals walked up...seemingly distraught. She instructed me on what she wanted, neglecting to tell me which pump she was on. When I asked her, she snipped back her answer and then regretted her tone. She, unlike the majority of customers, apologized saying that he was having a horrible day. She was on her way home and her husband had just been sentenced to 20 years in prison...she has no job and doesn't know what is going to come next. I was left speechless, I had no idea what to say...my usual "HAVE A NICE DAY MA'AM" didn't seem fitting...but nothing else did either. She broke my heart. God moved me to a place where words meant nothing, instead a gentle smile and a short, unheard prayer was all that was needed.
This dreaded job has grown to be an grand blessing I know must have been nothing less than God orchestrated. It is growing more apparent that it is more important to "be Christ" than to "talk about Christ": the smile, and manners seems to mean more than the fact that a book about Christ sits on the counter next to me. I am constantly reminded that everyone has a story, a reason for their moods, manners whatever. Maybe they grew up in a home with an addicted single mother who never bothered to teach manners. Maybe their bank account is withering away and if they are in a hurry to get to work-the only source of money. Maybe they've been separated from a loved one, thru death or bars. Maybe someone is sick, on their final breaths and they just need to get enough gas to make it before they're gone.
Whatever the person's story, it's not my place to grow testing and impatient. It's not my place to get annoyed with their seeming incompetence. Christ calls us to more...to show gentleness, love, patience, self-control and respect. I will continue to pray that God breaks my heart to what breaks His, allowing Him to fill the cracks with compassion, patience and the rest of the righteous fruits.
-D
No comments:
Post a Comment