Loosing Heart

I currently have a ten-page paper on Frankenstein and its research to do, but let's face it....I am temporarily giving up on making progress. I have been fighting being motivated for anything English-related for the entire semester. I used to love my English classes and then quickly learned to love education classes once I got into college. This semester though, it's like I have to fight to even put half of myself into a paper or class in these subjects....which I feel is not good since it is what I want am going to do for the rest of my life. 

I was talking to a good friend today about this loss of heart. I have always wanted to do something with teenagers, okay other than the first half of my life when I wanted to be a veterinarian (let's face it, my math skills put me behind in med. school). I wanted to be a teacher, a drug/eating disorder/abuse rehab counselor, someone who works at a ranch for troubled teens, a youth pastor, a speaker at Christian teen events and decided on an English teacher. 

I love working with teenagers, I feel like they are at such a critical time in life, which most people walk away from. They are coming to deal with pains that happened as a child, taking on their first serious relationships, being tempted to experiment with drugs and alcohol and really just beginning to figure out who they are. I have always found myself privileged to work with teens and minister to them during this time in their lives. I've always found it so rewarding. 

Last summer and this semester, I seem to be losing that. It seems like every week, I hear about another youth kid who is pregnant or about one of my kids' friends who is pregnant. Suicide is at an all-time high and doesn't seem to be going down any time soon. Drugs and alcohol are consumed just as much as fruits and vegetables. Physically and sexually abusive relationships seem to be more common than loving ones. Oh and, Christianity among the teenage popular seems to be at a low...and still deteriorating. 
I just don't understand, when I was in middle and high school, I clung to my faith to get me through everything...now it seems like faith is the thing to let go of first. Teens aren't dedicated to going to youth group and church, the attendance rates are dropping. If these kids don't learn this stuff now, when they need it most, how are they going to make it? Statistics say that it is rare for someone who doesn't have faith as a teen to pick up faith later on in life....and that "dropping" faith as they graduate high school is popular. My heart breaks with these statistics. My heart is growing harder with those statistics. Can I really make a difference in the lives of teens anymore? Is it possible for this generation to turn itself around? I honestly don't know anymore...I used to be so confident. The thought has crossed my mind to give up completely on this generation and change my major to one that has more promise, something that sounds really good on days when I have 10 page papers to write.

BUT....I was in my Middle School classroom the other day and the teacher passed out a simple worksheet. All the kids had to do is list five different people or groups of people that cared about their success...that invested time in them. Now some of these kids could have been being dramatic...but there were literally less than five kids out of 25 that could list FIVE people that cared about them! How sad is that!? Some of these kids wrote down my name...someone that was in their classroom for 2-3 hours a week for less than a semester...but I was the closest person they knew that cared about them. Sure, I knew the kids' names but that was about it...I don't know anything else about them.

So as I sit here with a loss of heart, I can't help but ponder that if the reason this generation seems to be degenerating is because of people like me...people who are losing heart...people who are giving up on them being any better than they are now. Maybe all these kids need is someone to invest in them, someone to believe in them, someone to simply care enough to learn their names. I can't necessarily say with as much confidence as I used to that I will end up being an English teacher for the rest of my life, though it is of high possibility, but I can say, I'm not giving up. The very reason I felt a call to go into high school education was because most of the students just need someone to care and I wanted to be that person. I am not giving up. I will fight losing heart. I will continue to invest and believe. 

{For Brandon, Tasia, Taylor, Taven, Chase, Hunter, Zach, Jasper, and all of the rest of my 8th grade students....I will continue to believe in you. You can achieve things beyond what you could ever imagine...I pray that each of you defy the odds that are stacked against you.}

{For all of my youth kids, I pray that you know that God will never walk away. God will always be waiting for you and I am always just a phone call away because I, too, am waiting for you to journey back. I love you with all of my heart.}