I had a great night tonight just playing Wally-Ball with some pretty cool and new people and then just hanging out with friends until 10pm. Seriously, it was a really good night and I am so fortunate to have these people in my life. However, the turning point of the night came when my close friend that I had been hanging out with decided it was her bedtime and that she was going back to her room. I had spent the majority of the night and afternoon with her so as I was walking back to my room I was trying to think of who may be available that I could hang out with.
As names of people and there whereabouts and current activities were skimming through my head, I began thinking about my relationship with each of the people. For the majority of them, I decided they were probably hanging out with some of their friends that I am never really around with or their "significant" others or are just people that I never really hang out with anyway.
I realize that any relationship is two-sided and that it is my duty to keep up on friendships, but I am not getting into that right now.
It is in my personality to always be second-guessing people's motives...seriously just ask any one of my close friends and they will tell you that I often even voice my insecurity. I have been thinking about how different my friend groups are just this year from last year and there are so many of them that have changed; some have disappeared all together, some have just changed and so many of them are completely new. Seriously, I have a handful of the same friends but even the majority of them have been altered in some way or form in the last twelve months. The question I think I am trying to get to through all of this is simply what motivates a friendship? More so what is the difference between a lasting friendship and one that is just here for a brief season?
I have realized that so many of our even close friendships are because of convenience. We live in the same building or same hometown: once we move to a new location, these friendships are often severed, ashes of memories only remaining. We have the same classes, we tend to make friends especially if the other person is better in the subject than ourselves. I have seen so many people hanging out in lounges all the time together for a mere semester because one of them has no idea how to do the homework: once that class is completed, the friendship fails. I am assuming these roles to be that of what is considered a friendship and not a mere acquaintance. Living close to each other and having similar classes often triggers the beginning of a relationship that morphs into sharing meals and going on random expeditions.
What causes the relationship to stall at the end of the semester? Why does moving to a new location even if it is on the same campus and just a different people constitute reason for so many relationships to end? If someone worked for an entire semester on a beautiful painting that they loved; it would be highly unlikely for the artist to take the masterpiece to the burn pile out back and watch it flare up in flames. Yet, this is exactly what is happening to so many relationships.
My main explanation is that we are a very lazy group of humanity. We are only willing to put into a relationship when there is some direct reward for us; like getting a better grade on a test or having someone to sit next to in a class where you know nobody. Once the relationship actually requires some for of work whether it be walking to the person's new room or calling them up once in awhile just to check in, we lose our motivation. It seems far more practical to just make friends within your new surroundings.
I realize the fact that each relationship has its own season; that it is natural for relationships to alter and even die off with time; I just think that too many times we are rushing the calendar. We are missing out on some fantastic relationships because they take work and we don't find it necessary to actually work for them. It is important to let some relationships die and even kill off some, but eventually we are going to have to make the choice that some of them matter enough to fight for.
As I have been writing this, faces continue to scroll across my mind; some of them bring tears to my eyes wondering what the friendship could have amounted to; others bring joy anticipating what is to come; even more bring fear, fear because I don't want to lose them, and am praying that the other party feels the same.
I guess in closing, I just want to ask you to evaluate your list of friendships, calculate your motives, I beg you to not be the lazy person merely seeking out convenient acquaintances, instead invest in some real friendships. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there; don't be selfish and expect something in return; just seek out truthful and meaningful relationships....ones that you want to keep.
<3
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