This week, it has become more and more evident at how little we are actually in control of our own lives. More than that, I have really seen how big of a war can take place when I want one thing and God may be leading me in another direction.
As I type this, I am listening to Fight by Point of Grace; such a good illustration of my point. The lyrics to the chorus go like this, "I am coming to you with all of my broken motives, all of my selfish dreams, all of my foolishness. I know that you're reaching out so what am I fighting more. Only you can save me, Only you can change me, only you can love me."
Sometimes, I think that God keeps me around for His amusement, seriously. I mean, I know I find some sort of sick pleasure in being able to say "I told you so" when a friend doesn't follow my advice. I don't see why God would be any different. Just this week alone, I feel like God has told me that very phrase that I hate hearing probably enough times to fill up both of my hands.
How many times of hearing "I told you so" is it going to take me to just start listening to Him? I mean it isn't like this is me trying to decipher whether to trust what a complete stranger has to say or even a close friend...this is me fighting to trust the mapper of my life. This is the God whom has written out all of the possible choices and then has weighed them multiple times to see which would be the most productive in my life and has picked one possibility. He has done all the work and yet I still sit here with my list of pros and cons and apprehensive mind, insisting on figuring it out on my own.
I have been around long enough to know that the conclusion that God has come to is often not the one that I want to pick. It is typically filled with pain, tears and the chance to say "I was wrong, you were right" (also a phrase I think God finds a little too much humor in hearing). It all comes back to that wide is the gate that leads to destruction and narrow is the gate that leads to life. Another little fact that I am slowly learning is that both of those paths are often clearly marked life....the wide one isn't marked destruction or it would be far to easy to just turn in the other direction. A war isn't started when you think that the other person is right and you are wrong; a war is waged when you believe yourself to be right and the other person wrong.
Hosea 6:1 has come in much comfort to me over the past few weeks. It reads, "Come let us return to the LORD. He has torn us to pieces, but He will heal us. He has injured us, but will bind up our wounds." I have more so seen this verse as saying that I have torn myself to pieces, but He will heal me and that I have injured my own self, but He will bind up my wounds. I have injured myself each time that I have chosen to challenge the God of the universe. Yet, like a parent He continues to come to me with a band-aid, cleaning off my wound and remembering to say "I told you so, when are you ever going to start listening to me?"
So I ask you the same question, "When are you ever going to just start listening to HIM?"
<3
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