Reluctant Daughter

Not even two weeks into my summer vacation...my first summer vacation since like 8th grade that I haven't had a job... I was already growing stir crazy due to living in a town where the only people I know are 13 years old so I did what most people my age are trying to avoid- I drove home. Now the weather here has been absolutely gorgeous so it was a drive with the windows down while blaring country music and singing obnoxiously enough for anyone that passes me to judge kind of drive time. I was in the Martina McBride mood (I've always loved her for her controversial lyrics and soulful personality) and started listening to Reluctant Daughter-a song that was probably never played on the radio and one that isn't commonly known by even her fans...it was kind of a dud. 

Seriously...pouting faces are the cutest.

Even the very title of the song gets me every time let alone the lyrics themselves. It is all about telling Jesus that you want to come back.  That's just a silly idea, is it not? Us, children of the King, telling Jesus...hey I know I screwed up and I ignored you for a while...but could you please go to your daddy and ask if I can come home?  It is fact: I am a daughter of God...yet, so often I am reluctant to accept that identity. I feel like a small child who not only goes against the wishes of her parents, but also has a tendency to downright ignore their existence or authority. 


Take this morning for example, I finally allowed myself to be honest about all of the changes that are quickly coming in August and to acknowledge them only to break down in fear. I can't move to Missouri. I don't know anyone there. I have never driven that far alone. I don't even fully know what I will be doing because so much is just rolling with the every day. I don't want to give up my own apartment with my own routine. My small group is making it even harder to leave my students behind. I have friends here. I want to be a teacher again. I shouldn't have just jumped...that was crazy and irrational and something I never would have done if I would have just taken time to fully think things through. All of these thoughts raced through my mind as well as every negative situation that could possibly happen. 

At this point I didn't want to claim my identity as Daughter...I was simply stomping away in the opposite direction because claiming the identity of Daughter of Christ comes with a lot of responsibility and uncertainty. I spent the majority of the day pouting , sitting outside painting my nails and reading refusing to claim His plan as my own. Yet it is in what happened in the later part of the day that beckons me back to my identity: You see, the identity of Daughter of God also comes with security in the shaky sand, hope in the struggle and purpose in the fog. However, I so often am reluctant to claim the later because it greatly depends on surrendering any other identity that I would like to take upon myself. I have to be willing to let everything else that I have worked for go in order to fully take hold of the security, love, hope and forgiveness. I have to let the title 7 Star Writing Teacher, Hoosier, Life Church Attendee, Columbia City Resident, Apartment Rentee and more go in order to grasp the title Daughter of God and everything that will come with obedience. 

I'm not the first one to be reluctant in coming home and I'm sure I'm not the only one hiding in the corner right now. If you're in this same place of reluctance-take heart in this common parable:

He was so hungry, he would have eaten the corncobs in the pig slop, but no one would give him any. That brought him to his senses. He said, "All those farmhands working for my father sit down to three meals a day, and here I am starving to death. I'm going back to my father. Ill say to him, Father, I've sinned against God , I've sinned before you; I don't deserve to be called your son. Take me on as a hired hand." He got right up and went home to his father. When he was still a long way off, his father saw him. His heart pounding, he rant out, embraced him, and kissed him. The son started his speech: "Father, I've sinned against God, I've sinned before you, I don't deserve to be called your son ever again." But the father wasn't listening. He was calling to the servants, "Quick, Bring a clean set of clothes and dress him. Put the family ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Then get a grain-fed heifer and roast it. We're going to feast! We're going to have a wonderful time! My son is here- given up for dead and now alive! Given up for lost and now found! -Luke 15:16-24

I am His reluctant daughter but, Jesus tell your Father, I want to be His child again.

Are you being a reluctant child of God?
What is causing you to stomp away and pout?
What are you bringing on to yourself because of your reluctance?
What are you missing out on because of your reluctance?
Are you ready to ask Jesus to come home again?

Reluctant Daughter Lyrics & Video