A couple of months ago at this point, I jumped. I drafted a letter of resignation and turned it into my principal saying that I would not be returning to Indian Springs Middle School in August. It wasn't an emotional decision made after some horrid first year experience: In fact, it was my experience this year that made the letter so difficult to write. I have been absolutely blessed with the most incredible team I could have imagined-we all share a laid back, fun loving attitude but get work done when necessary. I quickly bonded with them and every day makes it harder to know that I only have a month left of working alongside them. I have never seen Jesus displayed more profusely in the classroom than when watching my co-workers interact with students, parents and stressful situations (which is pretty impressive considering I work at a public school). After all of my student observation in college, it was far too easy to grow downtrodden because of the overarching negative attitude toward students and the profession. I have loved my students, though there have been a fair share of difficult times. I've always wanted to be a teacher who watches my students grow and mature over the years- seeing every other teacher have a slew of 8th graders come visit them has only made me want that even more. Many students have never had someone support and love them when they weren't getting paid to do so-I have always wanted to be their exception...wanted to attend graduation in five more years and watch my babies cross the stage to receive their diploma. I hate that I am going to be another name on many of those students' lists of abandoning them.
So why did I jump and where am I going to land?
I jumped because through all of my time working with students either as a youth leader, volunteer, student teacher and teacher, I have learned that I love the relational side more than anything. So many of my students walk into my door broken and weighed down by a plethora of things and people that have already happened in their short twelve years of life. They walk in hopeless and helpless-there are more important tasks on their agenda than learning where a comma goes in a sentence and rightfully so. My passion is to meet students where they are in those moments, use education and writing to further connect with how they are feeling and why....instill hope and healing. However, it has become increasingly evident that a formal education setting is unfortunately more focused on state standards and standardized test scores than those pivotal tasks.
Should I have come to this realization sometime in the last four years before I forked out one hundred grand on earning my Bachelor's in English Education? That could have been helpful, but I remain grateful for my years at Huntington University and the opportunity to work with so many different students. I can't say that I will never go back to the world of formal classrooms, it's just not where I'm meant to be right now.
Right now, I'.m single...I'm unattached to everything. I have no reason to need to stay in a certain area other than my baby brother-who will be the hardest thing about moving away...BUT right now is the perfect time to chase after my dream job-a job I never knew actually existed. I remember growing up playing with my hoard (yes, I was a very lame child) of imaginary friends and even Barbies-pretending that I owned some kind of healing ranch where troubled teens and children would come stay and through therapy and separation from the world that distracted them, come to a place of healing and hope. Those are the students that have always held a special place in my heart-they're not bad kids (though often labeled as such)-they have just grown up with an unfortunate set of circumstance with less love engulfing their every move. This is why I became a teacher-because in my own carefully laid plans, that is how I was meant to work with students.
My own carefully laid plans...that has been the hilarious flaw I am trying to push away. I can't remember the last time that I took a jump like the one I did a couple of months ago...resigning from my current, successful position without another one lined up...that is just darn silly! Picking up everything I own and moving away from the area...and even state...that I have always known...away from all of the people that I have ever known...that is crazy talk. Refusing to look at teaching jobs, even though the form of job that I am currently looking for is limited is stupid in many people's books. Yet, during a conversation with a mentor, I realized that each of those things is what I am being called to do. I am Peter, being beckoned to take that first shaky step onto the water and trust...finally trust... in God's best laid plans over my own. I have to admit, for a steadfast planner like myself, this is one of the scariest things I have ever done. Even now, I can't even see the water that my foot will fall onto and that is terrifying, but I know that it is down there somewhere and even if I start to sink, I know his hand will reach to pull me up.
I have my first interview tomorrow afternoon...an interview to a place that literally is my picture of the perfect job. It is hard to not get my hopes up for this position because I love it so much, but I can't rightfully say I why I should have this job over anyone else...but I do know that sometimes God works in strange ways and calls those scrawny, under qualified followers to do some amazing things. I jumped and now I have to trust that He truly does have a plan.
So for those of you who have been wondering, asking or even clueless as to my plans next year...they don't exist. Right now, I just know I'm going to be somewhere different...and that's okay.
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