Anyone that knows me has probably at some point in time been aggravated because of my obsession with lists. I make a list for everything: what I need to do each day, goals I have for the month/semester, pros and cons for nearly every decision I make (sometimes even as bad as what/where I eat). I am a list girl. I like to analyze [I know, weird characteristic for someone so bad at math and science to have] every possibility to figure out which would be the most beneficial for myself and everyone else involved.
These lists aren't just a little thing: I often spend a few hours making pros and cons for such things as what job to take/keep, {ya'll should have seen my four page lists on whether I should be a CMC again}, which relationships to really dive into, which dorm to live in....what to do over the summer. I'm telling you, these things are massive.
Yet, as I found myself making lists over the past week for various crucial choices, I heard God echoing something He has written on my heart time and time again, "Be still and know that I am God...let me do my job Danni, trust me."
You see, I have this issue with taking things into my own hands. I find myself surrendering so many times only to take everything I just let go, clutching it tighter than before. {it's like the bigger sister game of giving your little brother something only to take it away two seconds later}God is challenging me to forget the lists, to throw them away and just follow Him. My lists are taking my now and my future into my own incapable hands. My lists are saying that I have enough credentials to plan out my own life based on my own flawless {yeah right!} human reasoning.
So, for the umteenth million time, I am surrendering my lists. I am surrendering my control because clearly, me driving the boat isn't getting me where I want to be right now. Instead of making a list for everything, I will have one thought, one question: Is this God's will or my own?
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